Summer Vacation

It seems like we can’t get through a summer vacation without a thing or two going awry. That’s what makes it so fun. What could possibly go wrong with a trip that starts out with 1000 miles in a car? Here’s how it all went down…

Happy and in love, two tired parents were geared up for a much needed vacation without their two little friends in tow. We’d planned it out for months, and it was time to get this party started. My lovely in-laws had volunteered to watch our kids for their own staycation at home. Unfortunately, there was a death in the family that necessitated the in-laws urgent departure from home. We scrambled around to piece together babysitters to watch over the littles so that we could continue on our way. Thank goodness for Grandmas.

First crisis averted, we journeyed another 500 miles to reach our destination. We pulled up to our hotel and it looked like something out of a bad horror movie. The lovely lady at the desk advised us she had lost our reservation even though we clearly had a confirmation printed out in front of us. She argued and argued with us until she begrudgingly gave us her supposed last room. Apparently Mobile Alabama is a happening place to be.

The room was so disgusting. There was only one working light. No lights worked in the bathroom. Every surface was visibly stained and dirty and sticky. The microwave was filled with old food splatters. The fridge had a white, puffy thick cream stuck in the door. In the bathroom, used soap bars lined the sink. A towel was hung behind the door from the previous occupants. The room smelled like a pack of wet dogs had a party the night before. We needed several glasses of wine before we could attempt to climb into the bed. It felt like it was full of sand. The worst part is there was no beach nearby.

Lucky for us the receptionist decided to give us a call at midnight and 1 am to let us know she had finally found our reservation and we needed to come to the desk immediately to pay for our room. Wow…We finally found ourselves at the free continental breakfast made up of stale frosted flakes and cold coffee and were told the only utensils they had were knives. We’d have to make do eating cereal with knives. But finally we were out of there and ready for our cruise.

Despite being treated slightly like criminals having our bags opened and contents spewed across the table and searched, finally culminating with the security folks confiscating our banned power strip boarding the boat was relatively uneventful. We sailed away and then had our fun day at sea. It was actually quite fun. Next stop Costa Maya. We toured some Mayan ruins and it was probably only 111 degrees out with enough humidity to make your smile sweat. The ruins were nice enough despite the oppressive heat. We headed to the beach. Supposedly there was open bar, but the bartender let us know if we wanted to use our open bar, we had to pay an extra $20 each. Sure thing. Maybe the craziest part were all the dogs. Random stray dogs everywhere.

Next day brought Cozumel. The beach was sort of sea-weedy but we had fun all the same. It was so hot, even the water was warm. Nothing quite says refreshing beach day like warm bath water. Back on the boat and tomorrow was another fun day at sea.

Fun day at sea starts off with me jumping into the cruise bed and banging my head on a metal light fixture conveniently posted at the head of the bed. Unfortunately enough I developed a fine concussion. The next morning we depart, our lovely vacation was coming to a close just a thousand mile drive to go. We caught a cab back to hotel strange and our driver informed us that someone had been murdered in that very parking lot while we were away at sea. Good luck for us I guess. I left my better half in Alabama to attend a funeral and I started the long trip back home. Driving 1000 miles with a minor brain injury should be a piece of cake. I made it all the way to Greenville, SC before my car broke down. But to my surprise, I broke down right in the parking lot of a repair shop. Thank goodness. I stayed the night in a comfy hotel and in the morning drove the long 500 miles back home.

The closer I got to home, the dizzier and blinder I was getting. I stopped in urgent care to get a quick check of my head and I was sent to the ER. They offered to call the ambulance but I assured them I could drive myself. The nice doctor let me know that I was not allowed to drive. I confirmed I had a ride and promptly got in my car and drove over to the ER.

The waiting room looked like Armageddon on steroids. But after a short 9 hour wait, I was declared brain bleed free and sent on my way. Home at last. Only when I arrived the security system and smoke detector were malfunctioning and the alarms screaming out of them would make your ears bleed even sans concussion.

Just another day in the life and another relaxing vacation on the books.  In all honesty, we actually had a blast. My cynical nature and slightly bleak portrayal of an unfortunate series of events aside, I am ready for the next amazing trip.